Critical Couzens: Hail to the Season #5 - Doom and Gloom & The Little Brown Jug

We discuss the disarray of Michigan Football, the harsh truth of what we are? & The Brown Jug.

Critical Couzens: Week 4 - Utah

This week the Critical Couzens talk about the Miami (OH) game, the B1G looking small and the upcoming Utah game.

Critical Couzens: Week 3 - The Aftermath

Ryan and David discuss their disappointment from the Notre Dame game, the B1G playing the conference out of the national championship and then discuss the Miami (OH) match up.

Hail to the Season - Week 2 Notre Dame

Ryan and Nate discuss our first game impressions of Team 135, quickly go around the B1G and then discuss our expectations and predictions of the Michigan vs Notre Dame match up.

We're Back!

It's been a few years but the Critical Couzens are back! And now we are in Podcast form.....hopefully we can stay on top of this one.

In the meantime, check out our first podcast discussing the first game and the 2014 Michigan football season....while i realize the game has passed, we will be posting our Notre Dame preview next. So stay tuned.

The Daytona 500

Posted By: The Rookie

I will now recount to you all one of the most bizarre days of my entire life.

It all started last week when my dad sent me 4 tickets to the Daytona 500. I had always wanted to go to a NASCAR race, and I figured that since I live two hours away I should make an effort to go to the biggest NASCAR race of the year. My dad came through with 4 great tickets (34th row, DePalma Tower, Section I [near the entrance to pit row]). I invited a bunch of people to come but by the time race day came around I only had 2 other people coming with me, Richard who works with me and Rick Ross who is an apartment manager on the island and a friend of mine.

We were all geeked to go to the race, so we left really early to try and beat traffic and get a good tailgating spot. We were on the road at 6 and driving to Daytona through a thick fog. After grabbing some snacks and a full tank of gas we settled in for the ride and it was fairly uneventful. At least it was until we made it a little north of Melbourne around 8 am- that's when the fun started.

All of the gauges in the van I was driving died. I was moderately concerned but the car was still working fine so I just kept driving. Then the radio died. Rick asked if I had turned the radio off and after I assured him it wasn't me he suggested I take stock of what did work. The wipers were weak, the blinkers right and left did work but the lights were all fading on the dash. Then the accelerator quit. I moved over and got off on the side of the highway, and then the car just died. The battery light came on and the whole thing shut down. A few attempts to restart the vehicle failed. We were stranded on the side of 1-95, in a pea soup fog, without any idea what mile marker we were on.

Rick jumped to the rescue and brought out his platinum AAA card, but without any idea what mile marker we were at they weren't going to be able to come tow the van. So I started walking north down the highway (for those of you who haven't tried this I don't recommend it...especially in a thick fog). After a few minutes of walking I had reached the point where I couldn't see anything to the north of us nor could I see the van (it was really thick fog), so I decided that I should go back to the van and go south instead - believing that the closest marker was in that direction. I left the phone with the guys and began jogging south. Turns out the closer mile marker was to the north. I ended up running most of two miles in jeans through thick wet grass - leaving my feet completely soaked. When I got back to the van we were able to radio in our coordinates to AAA and they sent a flatbed to come get the van.

Meanwhile an air of defeat had settled in over us because we were beginning to resign ourselves to the fact that we probably weren't going to the race. Rick gallantly called his ex wife who lives a few minutes away to see if she would loan us her car, but she was closing on a house that morning. Last ditch I called my step-grandpa, Rich (from here on known as Darth (its a nickname within the family)) to tell him what had happened and to ask him what he wanted us to do with his van. To our great surprise he told us that he was on his way north with his Yukon XL and that he was going to meet us and go to the race with us (using our last ticket) even though he didn't want to. Our spirits were buoyed by this news and we had the flatbed driver take us to the next exit and drop us off while we waited for Darth to get there.

He dropped us off at a Waffle House - so we went inside and had a quick breakfast and I had a beer or two in the parking lot before Darth made his way to pick us up. This was around 10 am. We made it to Daytona without further incident, finding a great parking spot and settling into our seats for the race.

The race was fantastic (pics to be up soonish). Brad Paisley and Dierks Bentley performed before Martina McBride sang the national anthem. Michael Bay and Josh Duhamel were there to say "Start your engines!" and the F-16 stunt team the "Thunderbirds" performed the fly by. The race was incredibly exciting - featuring a record amount of lead changes and Rick bought a handheld TV set that lets you listen into the drivers' frequencies - which really adds an added dimension to watching the race.

As the race reached its dramatic conclusion (as everyone knows by now it was won by a 20 year old after a crash near the end and a false start on the restart) Rick and I were really getting into the race. Richard and Darth were down lower near the stairs watching the race - and I guess Darth decided to leave early. As we were gearing for the final restart of the race a man came up to our seats and asked "Are you guys with a guy in a yellow shirt?" Rick and I both shook our heads and he said "Well they said he was sitting in these seats" (pointing to the ones that Richard and Darth had vacated). Believing he wanted to sit in those seats for the end of the race Rick and I both said "No they are coming back we are just holding their seats for them" Then the hammer dropped. "No, a guy in a yellow shirt just fell down the stairs". It hit Rick before it hit me. Darth was wearing a black shirt with yellow fish on it. Darth had fallen down the stairs.

We both rushed out of our seats and headed down to meet Richard, who was standing ashen faced at the landing of the stairs. Darth was at the bottom of the steps completely covered in blood. Apparently he had turned to go down the stairs early and had lost his step and fell. The EMT's were right on hand and insisted that they put him in a carry chair to take him to the emergency aid building. He didn't want to get in the chair and was furious when they dropped him (!) on the way down to the main level. He finally got to the emergency building while we trailed after him and we were able to watch the exciting finale of the race on the handheld that Rick had purchased.

We waited for an hour while the EMT's patched Darth up (he needed a bandage on his head and around his knee and 8 stitches in his pinkie). The whole time he was wearing his sunglasses and messing with the nurses (at one point he asked her "will I be able to play the piano?" "Yeah you will for sure!" "Oh that's great, because I wasn't able to before!"). Meanwhile if anyone thinks that people watching at the Daytona 500 is great (and it is) people watching in the waiting room of the emergency aide building of the Daytona 500 is incredible. At one point a woman came in and demanded a ride back to her car for no other reason than she had parked far away and didn't feel capable of walking that far. Another guy very gallantly offered his electrical cart to woman who had twisted her ankle, and then informed me that he was a former MMA fighter (keep in mind he was probably 300 pounds) and that while training to be a Muay Thai fighter his shins became as hard as rocks. Another guy came into the waiting room with a massive cut that was gushing blood on his hand. Later - a guy wearing homemade Daisy Dukes and a cut up flannel shirt came in and stood at the counter and asked (in a very high voice that emphasized his s's) "Is my friend in here? His name is Jake and he cut his hand? Will you please tell him that I am so sorry I cut his hand? I just feel awful about it." Just before we left I walked up to the counter to check on Darth (we could see into his room from the window) and I saw that he still had his glasses on and was playing with his phone so I let out a small laugh. A girl standing next to me (with her bra straps falling out of her shirt) looked at me with disgust emanating from her bleary eyes, and said "Ugh, are you serious?!" before grabbing a tissue and stumbling out the door while crying.

After Darth was released from the emergency room we all packed up our things and headed back home. When we got home we had to change Darth's dressings (he later developed two black eyes and had to have a CAT scan), my feet were all pruned and painful to walk on from being soaked by the run and we were completely exhausted. What seemed like a simple trip to a NASCAR race had ended in complete disaster but it sure makes for a heckuva story!

Michigan - Michigan State preview

Posted By: The Rookie

Storylines: This is the most important Michigan – Michigan State game in a very long time, as this game is huge for both programs. Michigan needs a win to validate their season thus far, having played a respectable schedule to this point, but lacking a truly quality win thus far. Michigan State, on the other hand, proved to the country last week that they were for real threats for the Big-10 title with an impressive win at home against Wisconsin.

On one side of the ball is the most exciting player in college football, Denard Robinson, the quarterback of the prolific Michigan offense. The Wolverines are averaging 41.4 points per game, and Robinson is a big part of that. He has already led 2 game winning touchdown drives on the road, proving that he is not only extremely athletic, but he is clutch as well. He has an insane arsenal of weapons, running backs Vincent Smith and Michael Shaw are both very good in their own right, and he has a wide array of capable wide receivers – led by Junior Hemmingway, Roy Roundtree and Martavius Odoms.

However, as impressive as the Michigan offense has been, the Michigan defense has been equally abysmal. An extreme lack of talent, coupled with a truly asinine scheme (the 3-3-5 is the dumbest defensive strategy on the planet), has led to that unit being embarrassed each and every week. Every opponent they have faced has gashed them for yardage and points, and that unit almost allowed a second D-1AA school to pull off an upset in Ann Arbor.

The best news of the week for the Spartans comes from their coach. After suffering a heart attack following a gutsy win in OT against Notre Dame, doctors found a blood clot in his leg last weekend, causing him to miss the Wisconsin game. However, he will be in attendance this weekend for the Spartans, coaching from the press box. “As long as I don’t have a setback, that’s where I will be,” he said on Tuesday. ‘I feel outstanding…I was restricted because of the clot, so all day Sunday and all day Monday I watched film.”

So the stage is set, and on the line is national legitimacy for both programs. These two rivals have met 102 times with the Wolverines holding a hefty 67-30-5 advantage in the series. The last time the game was in Ann Arbor, the Spartans won for the first time in 18 years, knocking off the Wolverines 35-21. Last year, in East Lansing, Michigan State shook off a late game collapse to pull out a thrilling 26-20 overtime win. The ironic fact remains that the Spartans are still viewed as the second best program in the state, even though they have had a better record than Michigan the last two years and have beaten them the last two years. A win this weekend could vault them into national prominence and bring the two programs to status equality in the eyes of the nation. Can “little brother” take big brother down for good?

Analysis:

- Michigan Offense vs Michigan State Defense: It is no secret that Denard Robinson has been the most dynamic player in the country thus far into the season. The numbers he is putting up can only be described as gaudy. He has completed 69.8% of his passes for 1008 yards and 7 touchdowns with only one interception, giving him a quarterback rating of 180, good for 3^rd best in the NCAA. Oh and lets not forget that he has also rushed for 905 yards and 8 touchdowns (most in the NCAA) while averaging a massive 9.2 yards per rush. Michigan State has a respectable defense, 41^st nationally giving up 328.6 yards per game, but they won’t be able to stop Michigan’s offense as long as Robinson is at the helm. Edge: Michigan

- Michigan State offense vs Michigan Defense: While no one would define the methodical rushing attack of the Spartans as explosive, they are certainly efficient and effective. They are the #18 rushing team in the country, gaining 1101 yards over 5 games, utilizing the two headed monster of Edwin Baker and Le’Veon Bell (536 and 471 yards respectively) to grind teams into submission. Cousins has been effective through the air as well, completing 67.5% of his passes for 1132 yards and 9 touchdowns with 4 INT. Meanwhile Michigan’s defense has been atrocious, and that is putting it gently. They are dead last (ranked 120) in the country in pass defense and 102 in overall defense. Should be a great day at the office for the Spartan offense. Edge: Michigan State

- Special Teams: Michigan has some serious kicking woes. They are 1/5 on field goals attempted this year and have already missed an extra point and had a punt blocked. MSU has a solid kicking game, even if Treadwell refused to utilize it last week against Wisconsin. Keyshawn Martin is an explosive returner, but Darryl Stonum is equally dangerous, rendering that matchup a wash. Edge: Michigan State

- Intangibles: Michigan will be out for blood after two straight losses to the Spartans, especially after the disappointment of last season. Also working in the Wolverines’ favor is the fact that this is the Spartans first road game of the year, while they have been able to win two difficult matchups on the road thus far. I wouldn’t want my first road test of the season to be in front of 113,000 fans. Dantonio hasn’t ever lost to Rich Rod but I’m not sure how effective he is going to be if he stays up in the press box. Edge: Michigan

At the end of the day its all going to come down to how well each defense will be able to contain the offense of their opponent, because both teams are going to score, and score a lot. The first mistake could be the most fatal one, and turnovers may be the only way the Michigan defense can stop the Michigan State offense. I just don’t think MSU has a quick enough defense to stop the offensive blitzkrieg that is the Michigan offense, and I don’t know if Cousins and the rest of the Michigan State offense can keep up in a track meet. If the Spartans are able to control the clock and keep Denard off the field, it may be a different game, but I think the Wolverines pull out a thriller in Ann Arbor. Prediction: Michigan Wolverines 42 Michigan State Spartans 35